stand back

I'm almost ashamed to admit what a hard time I've been having the last couple of weeks. I'm tired, sometimes emotional and always overwhelmed. Most days I wake up with at least one little body in my bed with me, and they look so sweet. Such potential and mischief in their resting faces. So much energy, so much to see and learn. That may be part of the problem 'cause as the day wears on I start to feel that, that living person with so much energy is going to do me in. Each demanding a huge chunk of me each and every day, and I'm a selfish person I don't really want to give up myself. So I fight, and the call on my mind and body seems to be never ending and many days end with me nearly in tears 'cause I just can't stand the fact that it seems like everyone, and everything wants a piece of me, and I'm failing. Failing as a mother, a wife, a housekeeper, you name it I'm failing at it, and I don't fail. I can do anything. I have precious little time for my personal projects and what time carve out is usually spent teaching little hands how to help, or I have to figure out what to do with children who take advantage of the fact mom is ankle deep in concrete and can't deal with them, so they sit where I can see them, and "be bad".

I think things are getting better tho. We're starting to build some routines, and work is getting done. It doesn't help that Iz and Baby Hey are now working as a team. At least keeping the deadbolt to all the exterior doors locked seems to be keeping the trouble inside the house. I haven't lost a kid in a day or two. Ya, I know I shouldn't admit to loosing children but they really are sneaky little things when they want to be.

Nope I wouldn't say that anything around here was under any sort or control, but maybe life would be easier if I stopped fighting the chaos. Maybe I should just go with it and see where it takes us.